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One You Love Is Dying
1) This will be a time of testing unlike any you’ve known.
a. Learn all you can.
b. Go easy on yourself.
c. Don’t forget: this is only temporary.
“Yes, it’s hard, but you can do it. You really can.”
2) You’ll have strong and perhaps unusual feelings, all of which deserve an outlet.
a. Sorrow
b. Anger
c. Guilty
d. Confusion
“Don’t ignore your feelings. Recognize them. Accept them. Value them.”
3) The dying person will be as they’ve always been, only more so.
a. The kind of person they’ve been before is the kind of person they’ll be now.
b. Dying people prefer to live fully as long as they’re able and to be treated as very much alive.
“Expect them to know joy as well as sorrow, to feel promise as well as pain, to laugh as well as cry.”
4) You cannot do everything yourself.
a. Let others share the load for your sake.
b. Let others share the load for their sake.
c. Let others share the load for the sake of the dying person.
d. Let others share the load for the sake of the common good.
“Of all the reasons to seek and accept help as you care for the one you love, none is more important than this: you deserve it, all of you.”
5) To be a good caregiver, you must take good care of yourself.
a. Honor your physical needs.
b. Cultivate efficiency.
c. Set your boundaries.
d. Maintain some normalcy.
e. Take time away.
f. Make room for humor.
g. Detach from results.
h. Stay in the moment.
“Help everyone by taking extremely good care of yourself.”
6) The one who’s dying needs you to reach out.
a. Connect by talking.
b. Connect by listening.
c. Connect by encouraging memories.
d. Connect by touching.
e. Connect by just being present.
“The one who is dying wants to know they’re not alone. It’s up to you to tell them in as many ways as you can.”
7) Your relationship will change as you go.
a. A special closeness may develop.
b. In time the dying person will probably depend on you more.
c. Eventually the dying person will begin to withdraw.
d. The who’s dying will want to know you’re with them to the end.
“Your relationship will shift, but that will not take away from the bond you’ve had before, nor will it limit the bond you’ll have afterwards.”
8) Making important decisions early can head off significant problems later.
a. Certain decisions will influence how they live and die.
b. Certain decisions will apply to the time right after they die.
c. Other decisions involve the longer period after their death.
“You can have the satisfaction of knowing you’re carrying out your loved one’s requests.”
9) This is a natural time for inner searching.
a. You will be confronted with life’s difficult questions.
b. You stand before life’s remarkable mysteries.
c. You may find yourself in the midst of the Eternal Mystery.
“Be sure to seek your own answers, not someone else’s.”
10) This experience will extend beyond the end of your caregiving.
a. Even if you think you’re ready for the person to die, you’re never quite ready for them to die.
b. Even if you’ve grieved your loss before they die, you must still grieve your loss after they die.
“What you’re learning in this moment will season you. Rather than a beginner, you’ll be a veteran.”
11) For all the turmoil and sadness, you still have reason to hope.
a. You can hold hope for the one you care for.
b. You can hold hope for yourself.
c. You can hold hope for everyone.
“When you say your final good-byes, you will discover they’re followed by glorious hellos, both in time and beyond time.”
*One You Love Is Dying by James E. Miller
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